6 little systems, calmer days

i was talking to a friend recently and she was telling me how constantly overwhelmed she feels. too much stimuli. too many things coming at her. too many things to keep up with.

and as we were talking, i started thinking about the little things i’ve put into place over the years that help me not feel that way.

they’re not groundbreaking. they’re not some elaborate productivity system. they’re just small, intentional choices i’ve made that reduce the amount of mental clutter coming at me and help me protect my peace.

and i realized that this is part of living beautifully for me.

in case you missed my tag at the end of my prior entries, my new mantra is “live beautifully. live boldly. live out loud.” and when i say that, i’m not just talking about getting dressed, traveling, having a beautiful home or doing exciting things. i’m talking about intentionally creating a life that actually feels good to live.

and sometimes that means deciding what gets access to you.

these are some of my non-negotiables.

let’s start with that dag on tiny handheld computer we all call a phone.

i really think this is one area where a lot of us need to take some control back if we’re going to make room for a more beautiful life. our phones have somehow become a place where anybody can decide they need our attention…and then ding! now they’re in our day.

no thank you.

1. notifications: mostly off.

   the majority of notifications on my phone are turned off. social media and email notifications are alwaysoff. i want to be in full control of when and how often i check those apps. otherwise, i’m basically letting anybody’s ole decision that they need my attention right now become my problem too. that’s the opposite of keeping control over my day. if i want to know what’s happening on instagram, i’ll open instagram. if i want to check my email, i’ll check my email. i don’t need either one tapping me on the shoulder all day.

2. unroll.me: i would combust without this app.

   there are emails from brands and organizations that i genuinely want to receive, but that doesn’t mean i want them sitting in my inbox every day or every week. the volume is too much, and i cannot take a crowded inbox. while i love everything kahlana barfield is doing, i don’t need her in my inbox next to my design conversations with california closets, my car service appointment reminders or a netflix message letting me know a new device is using my account. those things do not have the same priority in my life.

   so i add those emails to unroll.me. once a day, i get one summary email containing all the emails i’ve added to my rollup. sometimes i open it. sometimes i don’t.

   it’s usually filled with brands i want to keep my eye on—brooklinen, cécred, appointed, poosh—along with substack subscriptions, my old college alumni emails and other things i’m interested in but don’t necessarily need competing for my attention.

   i still have access to everything. everything just doesn’t have access to me.

3. notification summaries.

   i loved when apple introduced scheduled notification summaries. you mean you can take all these notifications that might be important—but don’t require my attention right this second—and give them to me in one little package at 6pm?

   yes please. similar to unroll.me: summarize it all and let me know what i missed. i don’t need my phone going off all hours of the day.

4. do not disturb: another non-negotiable.

   my wind-down routine deserves its own conversation, and i’ll get into that later. but one part of it is automatic: at 9pm, my phone goes into sleep focus. i’m not asleep yet. i’m actually usually very much awake. but it’s important to me that i’m free from notifications while i’m winding down for the evening. the world can have me again tomorrow.

and then there’s how my actual day feels.

i’ve also built little systems around how i want my home and my day to greet me.

1. the home app: my home’s timer.

   i use the home app to automate a lot of the rhythms of our house. my shades go up at 7:15am. during my wind-down period, the lights dim and the shades go down. it’s an automatic cue that helps me stay aligned with my body’s circadian rhythm without having to actively think, okay, jendayi, it’s time to start winding down. the house basically tells me.

   it’s only annoying when i decide we’re having a late movie night and the tv turns off at 9pm. lol. but honestly? i prefer it that way.

2. slow mornings.

   this is honestly one of the main reasons i hope i never have to go back to corporate america. as an entrepreneur, i set my schedule, and my day gets to greet me with ease. my blinds automatically go up at 7:15am, and i love that it is absolutely my choice whether i’m going to get out of bed or not. i generally like to take in some spiritual food first thing, and then decide what’s next. walk the dog. have some pillow talk with hubby. get myself together. whatever the morning calls for.

   i love letting the day greet me with ease before i start handling the things other people need from me.

all in all, i need some control over my life. i think that’s what all of these little systems come down to. none of these things individually is life-changing. but collectively, they make space for me.

space to think. space to rest. space to decide what i actually want to do. space to be present with the people i love. space to hear my own thoughts before everybody else’s needs come rushing in. that’s part of what living beautifully means to me. not filling my life with more, but being intentional about what i allow into it.

i want enough quiet in my life to actually enjoy the life i’ve created.

these little systems help me do that. maybe they’ll help you too.